Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Dear Scott

I told my boyfriend about us. It was after I gave him a BJ in the stockroom at Denny's where we work. I give awesome head, and thought it would be nice of me to put him in a good mood by sucking him off before breaking the bad news that my heart belongs to another. Better he hear it from yours truly rather than discover that we're an item from People Magazine or Entertainment Tonight. After I made him cum, I simply said, "I met someone." Okay, maybe I haven't actually had the pleasure of making your acquaintance, but I've been following your career on TV and in the tabloids ever since your spouse went missing so it feels like you're an old pal, and since we're soul mates, I'm sure we were lovers in several past lifetimes, and go way back. I added, "These things happen, it's nobody's fault," so he wouldn't blame himself. I was just trying to let him down easy. And he started laughing so hard I thought he was gonna pee on himself, I swear to God! He said, "In your dreams, you stupid bitch. Which unattainable celebrity is it this week?" Don't worry, I was discreet. I don't think the fact that you're a famous incarcerated wife killer is any of his beeswax, do you? Plus, it would hurt him too much to learn that you've been on tons of magazine covers and are more in the limelight than he'll ever be, especially since he wasn't blessed with the same supermodel good looks we were that would have been his ticket out of Canton, Ohio, and that's why the loser will be stuck slinging burgers at Denny's for the rest of his friggin' life! Also, he never tells me who he hooks-up with, so why should I tell him? Instead I find out through my BFF who sends me photos of him naked with a big boner from his latest fuck's Facebook page. So fair's fair. But at least now our relationship is out in the open, and we don't have to sneak around behind my boyfriend's back. Kewl!

14 comments:

  1. And I take it he has yet to even thank you for the BJ? Such poor manners!

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  2. LovesDarkChocolateMarch 26, 2009 at 4:56 PM

    That lousy bastard called you a stupid bitch? You shoulda smacked him one! Hard!

    Why aren't you out looking for classier guys? Even what's-his-face, the wife killer, would have to agree with me. I mean, you sound like a top-notch dame and everything.

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  3. The way I look at it is when you suck off a celeb and then do it to somebody else, the second one gets like a contact high from it, right?

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  4. Why'd you bother with the BF? I'm sure Scott would have "taken care of him" for you. :)

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  5. Do you think he reads this blog? That's hilarious. Great concept or is this for real...

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  6. BJs at Dennys. That brings back memories.

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  7. Girl - Did you see Scott's horoscope for today? Maybe this is why you haven't heard back!

    "You're awfully quiet today -- that's rare. You're usually yammering nonstop. What's the silence all about? Afraid of being judged? Of saying the wrong thing? Don't over-think it. Your words really don't have that much power over anyone."

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  8. Thanks, Doll. But how long can I blame his silence on the stars?

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  9. hmm my best advice would be to consult an astrologer who could perhaps do a composite chart..If those results are unsatisfactory, then I would blame the post office! They are union after all...

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  10. Good idea. I wonder how much Astrology Cat charges for a reading.

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  11. Astrology Cat charges an arm and a leg for a reading. I think the stars are not in your favor right now - Scott's horoscope for today:
    4/4/2009- Everyone's just so annoying right now. They either want too much information, too much of your time or both. Turn everything off and go incommunicado for a few hours. It it's working, remain detached from the world for 24 hours.

    Hang in there!

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  12. Ohhh blowjobs and denny's... what a tantalizing combination! This post did it for me... Had to add ya to my blogroll. :)

    Top shelf!

    BTW... Found you via BC

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  13. LOLLLLLLL too Funny!! ;))

    mmmmmmmm BACON mmmmmmmmmm

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  14. Way to break it off and stick it in!!!

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