Sunday, April 5, 2009

Dear Scott

I'm not mad just disappointed. Why haven't you written back? I mean, I know that you're busier than a bee on Death Row protecting yourself from other inmates who think you're a hottie like I do, and are trying to have sex with you up the butthole, but could you take a time-out to let me know if you've received my letters? I sure would appreciate it! I also sent you a care package with a metal nail file hidden inside a Twinkie, and hope the prison guards didn't steal that delicious snack food for themselves. Oh, and fancy stationary isn't necessary, even a word or two hurriedly scribbled on a piece of toilet paper would suit me just fine. And I promise I won't sell it to the National Enquirer, even though I could definitely use the money for modeling headshots, I would never exploit our relationship like that.


  1. Girl, I hope you are sitting down. I saw on Fox News that Scott has been writing Casey Anthony in Florida. Do you have any children? Maybe one that kind of gets on your nerves more than the others? Just an idea.
    Please delete this after reading.

  2. LovesDarkChocolateApril 7, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    I read in one of the rags that you have a whole slew of competitors out there, Girl. Does this bother you much? I also read that these dumb broads (YOU'RE not dumb, I hasten to add) have been sending him Big Bucks.

    He's got THOUSANDS stashed away somewhere! Just think...if you win out over those other stupid females, you and he could share the loot! Gotta work on it, Girl...gotta work on it.

  3. You should check and make sure he's not on here:

    Don't need any bitches writing to YOUR Scott!!!

  4. You think I'd be enough woman for him and he wouldn't have to list himself on, right? I'm just going to trust that what we have is special.

  5. Hmmm. Inmate Jake-5342 is kind of a hottie.

  6. Don't worry, Girl. What you two have is super special. And if any of them really start edging in on your territory, we'll just set them up with another inmate so they can find the mediocre criminal who's right for them. Like a drug mule or something.

  7. LovesDarkChocolateApril 17, 2009 at 5:14 PM

    I dunno...I like the looks of Thomas 5212 and Uwe 5374. The latter sounds fascinating -- he even writes books! But I wish I knew how the hell they got themselves locked up in the slammer.

    So Girl, as you can see, if your One True Love (Scott, who the hell else?) ignores you, there's plenty more where he came from.

    Off the subject, but do you think cameras are aiming at those guys constantly -- like when they're jacking off during the night? Wow, if you could just get Scott to look at your sexy photo (you sent him one, right?), I'll bet his voice would be heard over the prison loudspeaker, gasping and puffing, "Girl, Girl, Girl...oh YEAH, Baby!) :-)