Friday, April 17, 2009

Dear Scott

Hey, you! So I figured out how we can finally be together. Right now I'm living in Canton, Ohio and waitressing at Denny's, saving my tips to pay for modeling headshots. The only thing holding me back from moving to New York City and pursuing my dream of becoming a famous supermodel is my mom.  See, since OJ stopped writing her back, she's been kind of down. I think she's worried that becoming a famous celebrity like you are will go to my head, and I'll abandon her. So I came up with this great plan to cure her loneliness: fix her up with media darling, Drew Peterson!  Awesome plan, right? Okay, he's not as famous a wife killer as you are which is definitely a drawback, but hopefully, that will change one day, since he's already been on TV lots of times, including The Larry King Show. And even though he isn't a hottie, he has those distinguished good looks that my mom goes apeshit for. But most importantly, he shares your beautiful last name. How special is that? It's totally awesome! To me, that's a sign from the Universe that my mom and him are meant to be together, just like we are, and I can't wait until the four of us double date! I found out where Drew lives, and she already sent off her first letter. She was a little nervous, since she hadn't written a murderer since her OJ days and understandably felt out of practice, but fortunately, expressing innermost feelings to hardened criminals is like riding a bicycle and came right back to her. Cross your fingers that he answers her soon, okay? Because when those two hook-up, then I'll be free to move to New York City to become a famous supermodel, and when the big bucks start rolling in, I'll immediately fly out to California to be with you! Oh, and best of all, Drew is single like you are. Both my mom and I believe that it's wrong to date married men. 


  1. LovesDarkChocolateApril 18, 2009 at 5:48 AM

    Okay Girl, I gotta agree with yer ol' lady. Drew's got "the look," you know what I mean? Maybe it's his eyebrows. Yup, yer ma has good taste all right.

    Actually Scott is too much the pretty boy for my taste. I like 'em dangerously rugged looking! :-P

  2. You certainly are a considerate young lady putting your dreams on hold for your Mom! And if your Mom is half as pretty as you, I suggest you BOTH move to NYC and become models! As Dr. Phil says " You're only lonely if you're not there for you."

  3. I hope to one day be criminal enough for literary attention.

  4. Hey girl, I just showed my guy ur awesome blog, he goes "Those are FICTICIOUS letters, right?" LOL
    Anyway, I cracked up on the Drew Peterson reference, wasn't their kid named Lacy, or one of his wives?
    Oh well, he's a cop and everyone knows that if he IS in fact a cereal killer, then HIS WIVES most likely forced him into it, and he was just doing his duty to society. I bet HE was never found hanging out at Dunkin Donuts LOL