Dude, you need to move on. It's not healthy to live in the past. What’s up with the ex-wife’s photo hanging on your wall? It’s right there in People Magazine so it must be true. A reputable rag like that would never make something up. Don't you find me attractive enough to proudly display in your prison cell? I sent you a scantily clad photo of myself that proves I'm the spitting image of Angelina Jolie, and much hotter than your murdered spouse. Your deceased better half was definitely not "all that." It should be me up there, your current heartthrob and soon-to-be famous supermodel, not the former domestic partner that you did in. My best friend thinks the fact that you’re still hung-up on your ex is a huge red flag that you’re not boyfriend material, because you’d be unable to commit. She can be like so totally negative. “Well,” I told her, “the good news is that he knocked her off, which means he knew his needs weren’t being met. She was obviously not the right woman for him. At least he was mature enough to end such an unhappy relationship sooner rather than later to avoid prolonging the agony for both of them." I sure set that know-it-all straight. But hey, I’m not worried. Once you accept that many marriages fail and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and more importantly, that it was me all along who is the love of your life, that outdated photo of Laci will finally come down. When you’re ready.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Dear Scott
Dude, you need to move on. It's not healthy to live in the past. What’s up with the ex-wife’s photo hanging on your wall? It’s right there in People Magazine so it must be true. A reputable rag like that would never make something up. Don't you find me attractive enough to proudly display in your prison cell? I sent you a scantily clad photo of myself that proves I'm the spitting image of Angelina Jolie, and much hotter than your murdered spouse. Your deceased better half was definitely not "all that." It should be me up there, your current heartthrob and soon-to-be famous supermodel, not the former domestic partner that you did in. My best friend thinks the fact that you’re still hung-up on your ex is a huge red flag that you’re not boyfriend material, because you’d be unable to commit. She can be like so totally negative. “Well,” I told her, “the good news is that he knocked her off, which means he knew his needs weren’t being met. She was obviously not the right woman for him. At least he was mature enough to end such an unhappy relationship sooner rather than later to avoid prolonging the agony for both of them." I sure set that know-it-all straight. But hey, I’m not worried. Once you accept that many marriages fail and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and more importantly, that it was me all along who is the love of your life, that outdated photo of Laci will finally come down. When you’re ready.
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